Slap Day

7th of December was a legendary day.

Firstly, I must apologize for updating the blog so late. I have mostly been busy/pissed/generally mental or whatever so I am late. But better late than never!

So... what is so important about the 7th?

It began like this: I was in CT (I do better with an M4 than an Ak, although there's hardly a difference) and a friend of mine, "shock" was in T. And he killed me. Not for one round. He had this bitterness buried deep within him to suck the life out of my game. Which he did. For 9 straight rounds. To say that I got pissed was the understatement of the century. I admit I'm a sore loser but come on! 9 ROUNDS IS TOO MUCH!!

So, to teach SHOCK a lesson, I slapped him non-stop for 5 rounds. I believed that would teach him a lesson. And it had the exact opposite effect. He really started enjoying himself. And he got more kills! Can you believe his frikken luck? To top this all, other players demanded for slaps! (I have to admit that there is a cheap, amazing thrill in slapping players :P)

So then we started voting among the players as to who I must slap for the next rounds... Needless to say there was much enthusiasm and friendly-rivalry among the regulars and so players like Rambo, Government, Jaipur, Stiffler, Hazard and John Rider became a part of the slap routine. AND THEY ENJOYED IT.

Of course, when I did come to my senses later, I sent an apologetic mail to the owner of the server who took it very kindly (VERY :P). But looks like I still havent learnt my lesson because I love slapping!! People think annoying their brothers or sisters is fun.. seriously they need to try this :P



p.s. I'm taking slap requests. Most welcome to place one on the server :P


More coming soon!!

Getting Slashed

I'm sorry for the late update but life was being a major pain-in-the-ass off late. Anyway, you might have noticed that banning is actually a lot of fun. However, a few days ago, I discovered that unbanning can be fun too!

I learned unbanning late into my adminship period. A few days ago, a player named Slash had been banned for the silliest reason (he's pro so people think he's aimbotting,walling.. same old story blah blah blah) and I don't know which noob admin decided to ban him without spec-ing properly. (Seriously, we need to start having an entrance test for applicants of adminship).

To unban him, I asked him for his id. And here comes the twist in the tale- I was not admin on the server anymore! At first, I couldn't believe it. What the fu** did I do? I quickly inquired about this from my senior admin (Assassinator) who also had no idea about this.

"Maybe it's a steam-issue," he suggested.

"But I already restarted my steam!" I replied.

This was bad. Not being able to slap anyone in game absolutely sucks (especially those who don't say "hi" to me). So with a resigned face I refused to play all day till I got a message from a player "Rambo".

"CS is boring without you," he said. This immediately cheered me up. (I shall give out autographs later :P)

I laughed and then with a grim smiley I told him, "My adminship has been taken away." (I was keen to know how everyone would react.)

He seemed to have received the shock of his life and kept asking me to as what was the reason for which I had no answer. By that evening, the news had spread all over the server and a couple of people were even offering me condolences of steam. (Seriously guys, it's not like I'm dead). However, I found this whole situation hilarious.

But I received the cherry on the icing that evening when I went in-game. Steam, having resolved whatever issue it was facing, had reinstated me as admin. So when I joined the game, a player called Ironclaw greeted me by saying, "Scar, someone is spreading rumours that your adminship has been taken away". :P

Also, a message to the player called Jorden, who was trying to convince me to give away my adminship to him- Yaar, I wont give my slaps away so easily :P

Gaming, Girlfriends and Giggles

The notion of girls in a CS-game is more entertaining than shocking. With me in-game, one can find out more about the players in game than ever. Suddenly, the topic shifts from techno stuff and engineering backgrounds to hobbies, passion, music and of course- dating. :P

While everyone is asked something or the other in-game by players, the most awkward, strange and peculiar questions are directed to me (I'm seriously a weird-ness magnet). Especially the ones pertaining to my boyfriend (You're not getting a name. I don't want you to pester him.), whether I'm hot or not and as covered before- my age.

However, a funny thing happened in game today- not regarding me (what a surprise!) but another one of the players- DeSiSiPaHi (let's call him DS for short). DS was not his usual self in-game. He was practically getting killed with no frags in EVERY ROUND. (And for some odd reason, I was in super-pro mode. My kills exceeded my deaths. But just my luck- server crashed. With that crash my heart shattered and well, I went back to spec mode when the server restarted.) So yes, being a noob, I can easily spot others noobness :P and DS was no biggie.

When asked as to why he was playing so badly, he replied, "talking to girlfriend on the phone. She isn't letting me play".

Of course, this was followed by jeers and teasing from ALL the players in-game. A particularly good one came from a player- Rambo. He replied with, "Why don't you let me help you? Give me her number." (Yeah, CS does have a few smart guys :P)

My reply to this however, was of course something that even I did not see coming. I said to him, "My boyfriend is lucky to never have to complain about that." :P

Sadly, however, not many know that my boyfriend isn't into gaming :P
Oh he is pursuing his engineering alright, but not the kinds where you say, "Saale pura time camping karta hai. Kabhi toh hila kar spawn se!" :P


More coming soon!

Shin Chan and his antics!

There is always a form of fun rivalry among you and every person you interact with- be it friends or family. And one of the most important purpose they serve in your life is "pulling your leg" and in-turn having their leg pulled by you. CS is no different.

According to one of my previous posts, whenever asked questions like, "how old are you" or "are you hot", I always used to reply with, "I'm 80 and ugly" etc etc. This went on till a point of time where my in-game friends started answering on my behalf.

A funny thing happened with me in-game yesterday which almost makes me "demonize" the people involved in this post hence equal to having their legs pulled (not physically of course!!! :P) One of my co-admin, Shin Chan (no, he's not a cartoon. And no, he can't take his pants off in-game to show his bum :P) became a part of this incident.

A player-Let's call him X- as I haven't been given permission to put his name here (:P), was asking me if I was hot or not (that rhymed! I should do more poetry :P). As usual, I was my non-creative, non-imaginative self so I replied, "Nah. Fat and ugly. 80 year old buddhi". X was in fact in full mood to ask me out on a date and all. The vibes he gave were driving the antenna of my head crazy.

Anyway, having quashed his hopes, I felt satisfied that X would do no such thing once I told him I was as ugly as a pig. However, Shin Chan, being the crazy little pj-cracker that he was, decided to intervene and make the evening an entertaining one for him where he informed X that "Scarface is really hot. Arpan (another admin, yes we do have loads of those, don't we?) toh usko facebook pe dekh ke abhi sadme mein hai. Even I went on a date with her on Saturday. She isnt ugly at all!"

To say that this led to a boost of enthusiasm among the players in-game (especially X), is the understatement of the day. Shin Chan just foiled my plans of having spread the idea that I'm ugly. So next time anyone asks me this, I plan on straight away directing them to:

1) Shin Chan- for starting it. He shall be answerable to all queries that come my way (CAT ki exam diya hai- dimmag toh hai- kuch toh faayda uthaana chahiye) :P

OR

2) Exe- for being my hot sexy twin sis :P


More coming soon!

Award speech

According to me, there is a lot more to the CS experience than just shooting, nading or defusing bombs. Of course, chatting with your in-game mates provides a whole lot of entertainment as a spectator as well as a participant, it goes a little beyond that.

Becoming an admin on the UNITEDS server has been a fun experience for me. Mostly because according to me, SLAPPING, SLAYING, KICKING and BANNING has a cheap, sadistic thrill about it which I enjoy.

Earlier, when I was killed in-game for my own noobness (obviously!!!), all I could do was slam at the keyboard and swear at my computer screens. But once the powers of an admin were vested in me, I felt almost Godlike (not to be confused with the killing spree :P Fat chance of that happening). Whenever I was shot (wrongfully, according to me), I started slapping the particular player who delivered the mortal shot. And I don't mean just one slap. It was more like a barrage of the "slap-flu". (Especially if I was flashed and killed. Then I'd end up slapping the player so much that he would fall and die) :P

Apart from this, I greatly enjoyed banning hackers. There is a simple reason behind this. While my fellow admins (Exec, Termi, Predy, Glady, Assassin, Jack Ass, Mimzy, Reaper and obviously- Stingy) would ban other players, they'd provide a reason like- "no walling" or "no aimbotting" for banning them. Now, as far as I was concerned, banning a player was like accepting an award. You don't only gain praises from it but are also expected to deliver a closing sentence which was more or less a bitch-slap for the hacker. Therefore, I would always give the weirdest ban reasons. I have compiled a few of them here hoping you enjoy them!

"Thanks for walling. Ask mommy to buy you snakes and ladders"

"Thanks for abusing. Go use some mouthwash"

"Thanks for aimbotting asshole, come back when you grow some balls"

"Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein yeh khayaal aata hai. Nai jaane do. Hum hackers ke baarein mein nai sochte"

"Ae dil hai mushkil jeena yahaa. Zaraa hat ke Zaraa bach ke, yeh hai waller meri jaan"

"We dont entertain pedophiles. Also, we don't entertain wallers. Tata!"

You get the point, right?


More coming soon!!

"Trust me, I'm an engineer"

For all of us studying a non-tech field, engineering comes across as a very intensive course. Oh the million practicals and journals and lectures and the programming etc etc. Must be a pain. I held the same belief for a very long time. That engineers might not get to enjoy their college life and fool around like the rest of us do.

Of course, this notion that I had was quashed. But I hadn't expected a game to do it for me. While conversations in-game were always very intriguing, practically everyone playing was asked, "What are you studying?"

If any kid would reply, "I go to school,"; to say that he would be virtually ragged is a major understatement. The other players would automatically lose respect and make such smartass comments that the school kid would never fathom.

Anyway, one thing I noticed was that practically every second person was doing/had done engineering. For example- Jack Ass, Executor, Predator, Stingy, Goku. I mean all of them! What I failed to understand was- WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GET THE TIME TO PLAY?!?!?!?!?!?!

When I happened to ask a player about this who does not wished to be mentioned, he replied with a certain sense of foolish pride which we both laughed about later saying, "You see... CS has a lot of stuff which is well managed by those who are studying engineering." Of course, mentally I simply wanted to reply, "Well managed, my ass." (I mean come on!! Have they seen the amount of lag and the dropping fps in practically all the servers?! and don't even get me started on their helpful advice about, "Change your isp")

So basically, the next time you want your computer fixed by a friend of yours and he says, "Trust me, I'm an engineer," slap him hard across his face and ask, "Saale, M4 leta tha ki AK?"

Current Affairs with the executor

In this particular post, I have decided to take a break from how gaming shaped me on a linear line, I will now talk about something that happened just about a few minutes ago in game.

Being an admin on the UNITEDS server has been one of the best things that happened to me in this game. While I will get into more details about this server later, let me fill in on what happened now. Among the many admins of this server (and by "many" I mean MANY!!!), there is an admin who calls himself Executor (again, identity protected should anyone want to rape him). And also, there is this kid in game called "Ass Kicker".

For some reason, this kid, "Ass Kicker" (lets call him "ak" for short. How appropriate), loves to annoy me in game. He keeps asking me ridiculous questions which I am in absolutely no mood to answer. I think that should be pretty obvious because I play the game to kill and not have an ongoing endless round of 200 questions. And I literally mean 200 questions!!!!

So today, as usual, he was going on with his pesky behavior of inquiring everything about me. (I mean I wouldn't be surprised if he asks me, "Scarface, how do you breathe? is it short, swift breaths or long ones?"). When I ignored him, he started pestering Executor (short- "exe") for his name.

To save exe from the trouble of having to play the extremely boring and monotonous round of Ass Kicker's 2000 questions, I replied on his behalf saying, "Exe is my twin sister and his name is Ashuma".

Now, for a person who has brains, would easily understand the sarcasm implied (especially considering that it wasn't creative enough). BUT NOT ASS KICKER!!!! He goes on pestering and asking exe, "You are a girl!! why didn't you tell me?" as if he needs to be informed about everyone playing.

To make matters worse for him, another player-Police, decides to continue the charade by saying, "Ashuma, I love you. Muuuuuah!!. Twin sis <3"

So that just diminished any chance of Ass Kicker figuring out that we were simply pulling his leg. And finally, exe, to whom all of this was directed, tops it up with, "Arey!!! main ladki kab ban gaya?!"

To say that CS is just about shooting and no entertainment is the biggest understatement of all. And if you want this proven, try logging on to the UNITEDS server for a daily dose of it.


More coming soon!

P.S.- IP of UNITEDS is- 103.2.238.58:27019

Big, Fat, Ugly!

Aaaarrghh!! Since my game is lagging badly and making it impossible for me to play, the next best thing would be to sit here and cry about it. Boohoo!

While one player of the server I regularly played in discovered my identity, it didn't take too long for everyone else in the server to figure it out. The initial reaction was that of shock followed by awe and respect. Earlier on, the guys talked about girls in game with... let's just say that they were chauvinist pigs. But once they found out a girl was playing- especially a regular- they would simply be pally as if I happened to be their best friend in the world. (Funny how a game includes hypocrisy).

Most of the guys were okay though. The familiar ones also began to add me on facebook. This included Ash as well as Stingy. Soon conversations moved beyond gaming- especially when it came to me (I should have seen that one coming).

The funniest thing was that when a new player entered the Guns of Doom server, and found out that there was a "she" in the server, he would ask me what I looked like and how old was I (as if I was going to meet him for coffee that evening). At times it felt like you're getting ready for a blind date and your date wants to prepare himself for what he will be up against :P

My reply would mostly be- I'm 16 and I look okay. This went on for about 2-4 days when I started getting sick and tired of it. Turning on my pathetic sense of creativity and sarcasm, I started telling the newbie that I was 80 years old and big, fat and ugly as well as holding the world record for the thickest moustache in the world :P

Today, 4 years later, players ask me the same question. "Scarface, whats your age?"

My reply, "80"

And then comes a cheeky, "Are you hot."

I mentally think of throwing a kettle of hot tea at the player's face and then reply, "Nope. Fat and ugly. Move on."

It is usually followed by a laughter from the regular guys who know me. In fact, after a point of time, I hardly had to reply to this question at all! Stingy or Dj or someone else who I knew would do it for me!

And, not surprisingly, Stingy, who remains to be a very good friend of mine to this day, still answers on my behalf. People usually want friends who are honest and up front. Well, this is a message to Stingy- You can continue lying about my age! :P


More coming soon!

Next post- Guns of Doom shutting down!

X-X chromosome with a gun

As all of this happened many years ago (2006-07 I think), facebook was becoming more and more popular. Even in-game, everyone was adding everyone else on their Facebook. Obviously, as a regular of the GoD server, I was asked to give my facebook id to my in-game pals as well.

This happened to be a serious fix for me. The simple reason being that since I was using my brother's steam id, I used to tell anyone who asked that my name was Rohan (unless they were smart enough to figure out my in-game nick. And even then they'd think I was lying!). Imagine having to give your facebook id when everyone believed your name was something else.

For a while I ignored it when I was asked for my id. But then, this in-game mate, "Goku" really pestered me for it. Finally, upon relenting, I gave him my id. To say that he was shocked was the understatement of the century. This was the conversation that followed:

Goku: Dude, ur a girl?!
me: Yeah I ask myself the same question when i shoot people with an ak
Goku: But... you.. eh?
me: Yeah, why don't you finish stalking my fb, see a few pics and confirm that im a girl till u finally believe it :P
Goku: Lol. yeah.
me: :P
Goku: or u cud have made up a fake profile. it isnt that diff.. take some random girl's pics and put em up as your own.. :P
me: because i simply have too much time in the world right?
Goku: now i see why u play like a noob :P
me: :O Thanks. Im honored. :P
Goku: Srsly its hard to believe.

For a few days, I resumed playing the way I normally did. Then one fine day, I got a call from a number which was DEFINITELY not local. Upon answering it, no one seemed to reply on the other end. I hung up because as mental as I might sound, I don't talk to myself (Actually, I do talk to myself. Just not on the phone. Its impossible to call your own phone and answer it. But dont take my word for it. I suffer from a technical paralysis). Within the next 2 mins, I got a chat message on my steam.

Goku: Holy shit! u are really a girl!

I think it might suffice to say that for the next 5 minutes, I could not keep a straight face from laughing my ass of.

Damn right, I really am a girl!


More coming soon!

next post: The cat's out of the bag as everyone finds out.

Oh the overwhelming reception

As I had initially perceived, the revelation of my name in-game was hardly on "oops!" moment. In fact I shouldn't have been worried about it AT ALL. Reason? Simple- for some reason, the player who discovered my name thought that I was just a perverse guy passing myself off as a girl to get his attention. In fact, he even thought that I was gay!!!

Frankly, if you ask me, I don't see how at the spur of the moment one perverse guy could come up with a name as complicated as mine. But I was seriously washed with relief when the guy believed that I was lying. The secret was still safe.

I returned back to shooting, killing, nading, ak-ing and whatever else you want to call it (oh, I forgot knifing!) like I used to before in Guns Of Doom. I still kept the nick as "a$hUm!" as the reaction it garnered really intrigued me. (Come on. I was a girl, pretending to be a guy-in game while the players thought I was a guy pretending to be a girl in-game. Who wouldn't love a mind-twister like that one!!!)

Returning back to the "regulars" of Guns of Doom, I noticed this pro player who called himself "Ash". And by pro I mean a SERIOUS pro (not pro by my standards :P ) This player Ash hardly talked in-game. In fact he never talked at all! No hurling random abuses like "Chu***a" or "MC" when he was "wrongly" naded or knifed (which was VERY rare as he was a pro).

One fine day, I was being teased for having a "girly" name in server. Ash, who was in-game, was the only one to have struck jackpot. He added me on steam and asked, "So are you really a girl or just pretending?"

Now, I was MAJORLY freaked out. THIS WAS A SUPER PRO TALKING TO A SUPER NOOB LIKE ME!!!!!! It was like being back in the 8th grade when you have silly crushes on your seniors.

"Yeah," I replied.

The next reply that came knocked me down to the knees.

"Your play is crap," he said. Pop!! (that was the sound of my happy-mental-bubble bursting)

Full of indignation I tartly replied, "Yeah well, I'm trying."

He simply replied with a ":P" and went back to playing.


Someday, I decided, I am going to knife this jackass. Ten years later, I did end up knifing him. (In his defense, he was afk :P )

More coming soon!

Next post- So what next? Does anybody really find out?!

Girl? Girl!! GIRL?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

Gaming took a new turn for me when I started playing on the Guns Of Doom (god) server in Condition Zero. Lan was very new to me. Having only played with bots, I realized how pathetic my play was when I played against real people (No surprises there!!!)

I was introduced to lingo which included "n1", "ty", "imba" etc. I was mostly on the giving end of n1 and receiving end of a "ty" :P
Soon I began noticing the regulars in-game- one of them being my now very good friend- Stingy (identity protected should anyone decide to molest him). There is no greater privilege than being noticed as a regular in a server (except if you're an admin. Always be an admin :P)

For a very very long time I was constantly pestered for my name. I practically knew the names of all the other regulars in the server (this included goku, dj, asylum, warrior and a whole lot of others). However I remained "v!p3r" for all of them. This continued till a few weeks when I was asked to play in a clan match by a clan who at-that-moment had one player less (obviously!! who will take ME in a clan?! I am the definition of a noob). Since that clan already had a "viper", I was asked to change my nick. Being what can be called the absolute opposite of creative/innovative, I changed my nick to "a$hUm!"

Throughout the clan match, hardly anyone paid attention to the nick I had. It was after we lost the match (I think you could see that one coming since I was in the team :P ) that one of the players noticed AND deciphered it.

"Ashumi?" the team-member asked.

On an impulse I replied, "yeah tell me?"

"That's a girl's name!" he said.

The first word that came to my mind when he said that was- Oops!

Busted.

More coming up soon!

Next post- Reception of being a x-x chromosome :P

To start from the spawn

I wasn't much for gaming till I was 10 years old. And it would have stayed that way had I not observed my elder brother shoot people for the heck of it in a game called Counter Strike. It was actually very simple- you land at a place called your base and shoot at the people dressed in blue/green (my brother always preferred being a terrorist- its hardly surprising!)

One fine day, he was out- partying with his mates or driving endlessly on marine drive (I really don't know or care). I then decided to discover for myself what the fuss of killing people was all about. And turns out- I LOVED IT! Killing people is one of the most therapeutic things I have ever done (I will probably be jailed for saying something like that. Or at least admitted in a mental ward of a hospital)  :P

Of course, the most difficult thing to do now was to ensure that my brother never found out that I had logged on from his account and playing. Turns out it was a lot to hope for as his "steam mates" would try chatting with him and I would NEVER reply. This went on for a couple of days (and my score remained as shitty as ever- the worst being 1-15) until the cat was out of the bag!

I had expected him to shout, throw a fit, change his password, have a wwe fight with me. Boy was I wrong!
Instead, he asked me, "So what gun do you use?"

Meekly, I replied, "Something called the bullpup"

"Well..." He began. "Let me show you what an M4 Carbine does."


Its been 10 years since that day now. I continue to remain a noob (although my score has improved to a 15-15 :P), but well, I cannot deny that it is SO MUCH FUN!

This seems to be a small way to pay respect to a much-loved game and a childhood that I often think about.

More coming up soon!


Next post- Girl in CS!?!?